When striving for financial independence, what gets in our way? Do different things get in the way of women than men? How do women entrepreneurs, executives and business owners rationalize the various meanings of money?

Not surprisingly, our basic personality type and belief system determine how we handle money, says Mackey McNeill, president of companion companies, The Advisory Team, LLC, CPA’s and Business Advisors, and The Wealth Advisory Team, Investment Advisors and Prosperity Planners, which she started in 1983. McNeill is a member of TEC 250 which is chaired by Jean Lauterbach in Cincinnati, Ohio.

McNeill uses the Enneagram, www.enneagramworldwide.com, to help clients understand what they need for survival and satisfaction— and what it means to plan for financial independence. The word “ennea” is Greek for nine, and “gram” means model or figure. The Enneagram is a diagram or star with nine points representing the nine personality patterns. The nine types are perfectionist, giver, performer, romantic, observer, loyal skeptic, epicure, protector, and mediator. Your type describes your fundamental pattern of thinking, feeling or acting, basically the coping mechanism you have chosen to navigate “human-ness."

Most entrepreneurs, senior executives and business owners are either performers, epicures or protectors, McNeill says, and this is true for both women and men.

When I took the test, I found out that I’m a “performer.” According to the Enneagram, performers are doers who get their rewards by achieving and are generally financially successful. As a performer, I believe that the world rewards doing, not being-- so to be loved means becoming a “human doing” instead of a “human being.” In terms of money, this means that I need a lot of validation when I make choices. It challenged me to think about how to balance my own independent thinking with my equal desire for collaborative and reinforced behavior. Do I turn to my husband, my peers or an independent advisor?  

Most importantly, knowing your type lets you escape it. As a performer, I am driven to success, AND I desire external validation of that success.  Looking good is important. It also keeps me trapped, in other words to look good, and to get external validation I have to behave in a certain way. This way is confining and limiting. If I can notice my need such as validation, name it and let it go, then I can choose from another source, one more personal and intimate to me.

Each person must determine his or her own definition of success and then monitor it, McNeill says. For example, do I want a second home as a status of success, or do I want a second home just for me and my family? Both are OK. The issue is whether I’m willing to continue working three, five or 10 years past your desired retirement age to have the second home, knowing that it is about a status symbol. 

“Choices are the power of creation in your life when those choices are framed by our ego, personality, type, they are not real choices, they are reactions to patterns of behavior,” said McNeill. “They are traps so to speak.  Identifying, and becoming the observer of my type, allows you to choose with true freedom.”

In my first marriage, my husband and I had a pre-nuptial agreement, and I had nothing to do with his business and very little to do with our household finances. When we got divorced in 1993, he was on the verge of bankruptcy, and I was faced with supporting my two daughters, then 8 and 11, with very little money in the bank. I vowed never to be in that situation again and immediately took steps to reduce our spending and live within my means. In the last 13 years, I’ve been fortunate to be on the founding team of two successful companies and  I  have achieved financial independence. I am married again—happily—and this time, I am actively in charge of my own finances. And I have found a support system that allows me to ask for financial advice without seeming weak or needy.

In contrast with performers, epicures like having options and fun. This means that sometimes it’s hard for them to stay the course with an investment portfolio, and often, they will choose the “high flyer.” The difficulty is to get them down to settle down and stick with a program, says McNeill.

Protectors are the bosses—high energy people who can do the work of three to four people. Yet they’re not workaholics. They work hard and play hard, and playing hard can mean spending to excess. “If I tell a protector that they’ll need $7 million to $8 million for retirement, they’ll say ‘fine’ because they’re convinced that they’ll be able to make the money. At the extreme, protectors are big spenders who are floating in debt because they can’t control their spending,” said McNeill.

As an advisor working with a protector, it is critical to be clear, direct and on point.  Their tendency to exaggerate the truth needs to be met with hard cold reality, she said. 

For example, if your plan calls for you to double your income over the next 10 years, McNeill will challenge the client with specific questions about how they plan to do that. 

“One client is a hopeless cause. Every couple of years, she calls me saying, I need help!  I can’t make ends met, no cash, etc.,” said McNeill. “I suggest she come in and go over where she is-- assets, liabilities, income, spending, etc. She will generally make an appointment, but never keeps it.  She always has a reason to cancel. The real reason is that she does not want to address the creator of her crisis which is herself.  She is unwilling to change her spending habits. What this means is each year she makes more and spends even more than that. At 51, she has no retirement savings, and when I confront her with that fact, she says she will never retire. Truth is, she really wants to slow down, but she would have to look at why she self sabotages and that is scary to her.”

What’s different for women are two issues, McNeill says. Women often want to take care of everyone else before considering their own needs and they are often reluctant to make decisions independently. “Women generally want to make consensus decisions with their spouses. A male ‘protector’ will rarely consider what his spouse wants, while a female ‘protector’ will usually consider her partner,” she said.

Even a successful single woman will seek validation by asking McNeill for approval. McNeill says that the younger generation (20s and 30s) of women and men may now view each other more as equal partners in the financial decision making process.

What McNeill does for her clients is run scenarios to help them understand what the “number” is that they will need for retirement-- the famous how much is enough question. For example, a husband and wife, who own a consulting business together, recently came to see McNeill. The couple has two young children whose college education will have to be paid for, they want to buy an expensive second home, and they are unsure whether they will want to sell or be able to sell their business when they get older. McNeill ran four scenarios—sell the business and buy the second home, sell the business and don’t buy the second home, don’t sell the business and buy the second home, and don’t sell the business and don’t buy the second home. The amount of money that the couple needs to save ranges between $30,000-$200,000 per year depending on which scenario they choose.

McNeill’s advice to both women and men TEC members:

1. Clarify with your spouse or partner whether you’re in a financial partnership. McNeill says that gay couples are generally clearer about their financial commitment to each other. “Women generally end up on the short end of the stick if they don’t talk about it,” she said.
2. Get into reality with your money. Take some time out to find out how much you have, how much you’re spending, how much you’re saving and how your money is invested.  Keep records. 
3. Look at your business and whether you have a viable exit strategy if that is going to be important to your retirement.
4. Maximize the type of retirement plan in your business.
5. Prepare your financial (prosperity) plan, either do it yourself or hire an advisor.  The longer you wait, the more you unnecessary subject yourself to needless worry or frustration.  The planning process is really a liberating tool.  It puts your choices in black and white, giving you total clarity.

What are you doing to achieve financial independence? Have you set goals and are they achievable within a likely scenario? Winning the lottery is one outcome. Realistic planning is another. It’s your choice.